Honest to God, Early Winter

Honest to God

Journal entry , Early winter 2017

Honest to God I've been a bit out of sorts lately.

So is Cindy.

We're both fighting off colds.

There is a bit of a let down after the frenzy of packing and moving from Helena to Lynn.

The knee injury and the brain bleed are reminders of the inevitable.

And speaking of the inevitable, Doug died. His funeral was Saturday.

And then there is the facing of the fact that I'm done now. 

After 46 years of parish priesthood.

That's it.

I'm done.

My stamina is not what it once was. 

Truth be told I'm 72 now. 

But the rest is helping.

When I remember You, God knows that helps.

That would be YOU! God knows.

Honest to God, I forget You often

In the tossing and turning of it all

The ache and the pain of it

This is when I forget you. 

And then almost as if a lightbulb switched on 

There You are.

Present in the Silence.

Unseen in the Darkness

But like those wonderful days when I was a child, we talk.

I talk.

Honest to God to You

I pour out my heart to You about all the above and more

And soon

I sleep.

And that's the part I don't remember either

In the arms of Your Heart, I sleep

As soon as I remember, it seems, I forget once more

Through it all You are there

Whether I forget or remember

Honest to God.

Amen

Fr Paul