"I Cannot Believe"

"I Cannot Believe"

Like Thomas, Elaine could not bring herself to believe. But it wasn’t just the resurrection of Jesus she could not believe, she couldn’t even bring herself to believe in God. 

Elaine was a bit of an introvert and sat in the last pew in the far corner of the church as far away from the pulpit and the altar as she could get. She came late and left early. It took the longest time to find out who she was. 

As it turned out she began coming to church after her mother died. Apparently she was trying to make sense of things. It took quite a while but one day, she worked up the courage to get into the receiving line and greet me. I thanked her for being there and invited her for coffee but she was clearly not ready for that. And so it continued week in and week out for what seemed to be a very long time.

One Sunday, as we greeted each other, she asked if we could make an appointment. We did that. We had quite the conversation. She told me of her mother’s death, and how much she appreciated our church services, the preaching and the liturgy. But then she confessed to me with a heavy heart full of anxiety and guilt that she simply could not believe in God. She simply did not see how she could build a case to support the idea of God when to her way of thinking there simply was no evidence for the existence of God. 

In getting to know Elaine I found out that there were secrets in her family of origin especially involving her father that left some deep scars. She could not tell me exactly what the nature of those traumatic moments were like but I had my suspicions. For Elaine, God was not there when most urgently needed and that’s when I began to understand the nature of her unbelief. 

One day she did confess that she wished she could believe the way I believe. She told me that one of the reasons she came to church as regularly as she did was that she liked hearing stories of faith. Oh how she wanted to believe!

I tried the one about the father of the boy Jesus healed; “I believe, help my unbelief”.

Elaine laughed, “Fr Paul, I can’t even get that far.” 

To which I finally said; “How about this? God and I both admire your honesty. What if I were to tell you that God believes in you irrespective of your ability to believe in God!” 

That one stopped Elaine in her tracks. She began to wonder. “What if God believes in me? Do you suppose that’s even possible?”

To which I smiled and said; “I wonder!”

This is what happened to Thomas on that Second Sunday of Easter. Thomas was Honest to God and to the Disciples about his doubt. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

It was Jesus who believed in Thomas. “A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”

“Thomas; Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.”

To which Thomas said; “My Lord and my God!”

The idea of belief whether it be in God or Heaven or the Resurrection rests not so much on what my puny human mind can fathom but rather on the power of Jesus to believe in me.

It was Jesus who called us one by one to follow because he believed in us. It was Jesus who broke bread with us in the upper room and got to know us one by one. He was the one who healed the sick, fed the hungry, reached out to the leper, the prostitute and the outcast. It sure wasn’t the likes of us. We couldn’t, we wouldn’t do any of that. We did not; we could not believe. Jesus was the one who did that!

It was Jesus who taught us that God shows no partiality to any one kind but that all are one in Jesus. When I think back I realize how true is that is. I think  of all the churches I have served in these almost 50 years and the people in them. What a crowd of characters. As Cindy likes to remind me, I’ve served more church since I “retired” than I served during my career.

Last week as I celebrated my 49th Easter Sunday as a Priest I found myself blessing the incense “in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and will be forever.” I found myself caught up in the notion of Jesus as “the Alpha and the Omega; the Beginning and the Ending who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty”, exactly as the Book of Revelation puts it today. 

Jesus showed us the way to the Father.

It is the way of Love. 

Heaven begins in our Baptism; “in the Paschal mystery established in the new covenant of reconciliation” as the Collect for the day puts it. The compelling fact of heaven is that we don’t have to wait until we die to know what it's like, we begin living heaven in the way we come alive now in the Living God.

This is how we learn to Believe! God. Heaven. Eternal Life. It is all a Way of Life we live now that we have become children of the New Covenant of Reconciliation. 

If I were to wait until I could understand God, I’d never believe. The same is true of any and all of the Great Mysteries of Heaven. I don’t even fully understand the forgiveness of sins but I’m duty bound to forgive as I am forgiven.

Doesn’t his prayer say as much; “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?” That what a “trespass” is. It is a sin, an offense against God and our neighbor. 

Believing for Thomas and Elaine and me and you is not about anything we can figure out, comprehend, or understand. If we are honest to God and one another, we won’t really believe it until we see it with our own eyes.

Which is why Jesus appears to us in the Upper Room and says; “Peace be with you.” Notice in today’s Gospel. Jesus says that three times. God knows our unbelief. Which is why he manifestly appears to us time and again to say; “Peace be with you”. 

To which I reply as Thomas did; “My Lord and my God.”

I might add this prayer that You might whisper those words into the hearts of all Christians, Jews and Muslims the whole world round. “Peace be with you”.

Below are the readings for this Sunday with those words, phrases and thoughts highlighted that speak to my heart and soul

Second Sunday of Easter

The Collect:

Almighty and everlasting God, who in the Paschal mystery established the new covenant of reconciliation: Grant that all who have been reborn into the fellowship of Christ’s Body may show forth in their lives what they profess by their faith; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

First Lesson: Acts 5:27-32

When they had brought them, they had them stand before the council. The high priest questioned them, saying, “We gave you strict orders not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and you are determined to bring this man’s blood on us.” But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than any human authority. The God of our ancestors raised up Jesus, whom you had killed by hanging him on a tree. God exalted him at his right hand as Leader and Savior that he might give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. And we are witnesses to these things, and so is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey him.”

Psalm 150

Hallelujah!
Praise God in his holy temple; *
      praise him in the firmament of his power.
Praise him for his mighty acts; *
      praise him for his excellent greatness.
Praise him with the blast of the ram’s-horn; *
      praise him with lyre and harp.
Praise him with timbrel and dance; *
      praise him with strings and pipe.
Praise him with resounding cymbals; *
      praise him with loud-clanging cymbals.
Let everything that has breath *
      praise the Lord.
      Hallelujah!

Epistle: Revelation 1:4-8

John to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and freed us from our sins by his blood, and made us to be a kingdom, priests serving his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. Look! He is coming with the clouds; every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and on his account all the tribes of the earth will wail. So it is to be. Amen. “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.

Gospel: John 20:19-31

When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.

Snake Handling

“Snake Handling!”

In the Name of One God; the Most Holy, Undivided, and Everlasting Trinity. Amen

When Joshua, #2 son, was well into his rebellious teen years, he came one day to the church’s Adult Bible Study. The class was open to everybody including the intellectuals as well as to the more evangelical sorts, and all the rest. There was some discussion of a biblical story that stretched our credulity, I do not recall just now which one it was…perhaps the one about Jonah and the Whale, but my son expressed some doubt over the literal truth of the story. One of the more rabid evangelicals in the group admonished my son to believe or else. Josh, being Josh, chose the “or else” option.  Then he tossed the bible on the table, somewhat irreverently, and said; “It’s just another book!” The evangelical expressed outrage and a vigorous discussion ensued, folks lining up on both sides of the literalist divide. that was way back when in West Virginia, where such discussions were not unusual. I found the whole thing delightful. 

I was so proud of Joshua and said so. He insisted on thinking! I encouraged him to think critically about everything. I encourage everyone to think critically!

Joshua loves to read. He always did. All books are sacred to him. He comes from a very long line of people who think that way. The Celtic monks, for instance, who transcribed much of Western Literature during the so-called “Dark Ages” preserved much of what we have left of the Classics, not only The Bible, but also the Greek and Roman Classics. All written words are sacred. 

I introduced Joshua to the Gilgamesh Epic so he would know that the Biblical Narrative is based, in part, on literature predating it by many centuries. Written as early as 2100BC it is the earliest Epic poem known to scholars. It contains a Creation Story and a Story of the Flood. It deals with the quest for eternal life and the fact of death, the search for deliverance from oppression and injustice and other such Biblical themes. 

The literary fragments of the Bible, the stories, ideas and themes, all come together over a very long time. The Pentateuch, The Histories, the Wisdom Literature, the Psalter, the Prophets and so on were at long last collected into a set of scrolls we call the Hebrew Scriptures. 

Then of course there was the Christ event, the Pauline record of interaction with Christians throughout the Mediterranean world, the Gospels, and that curious Book of Revelation written during the first persecutions so often misinterpreted and misunderstood. The word “Biblia” from which we derive the word “Bible” means library. It was not given to us via some sort of Divine Federal Express delivery system. The Bible came to us over time and from many sources.

There are stories that do stretch one’s credulity from time to time, and we have one in today’s Hebrew Scripture. The story of serpents in the wilderness is a case in point for me. Especially, the part about God asking Moses to take a serpent and lift it up on a Bronze Pole.  Anyone who got bit by a serpent, merely by looking at the pole would be just fine! Oh really!

Still there is something in the story that seems to “catch” something of our nature as human beings. We complain. That’s understandable for folks wandering in the wilderness. There was no food, no water, and they were facing death. Just try living a few days without power in the Merrimack Valley and the see what happens. It is downright dangerous to upset the well defined routine of the general population. Tragically, it seems, there is always someone who dies from carbon monoxide poisoning or suffers a heart attack from over exertion shoveling heavy wet snow and the like. The serpents who bite are not just the kind we might find in the Ancient Near Eastern world. There are “serpents” of all sorts that can “bite” into human vulnerability during our own wilderness experiences in the wake of these Nor’easters that have assaulted us recently.

We erect our own bronze poles and warn one another about the proper placement of generators and over exertion when you get to be my age and beyond. 

If we understand the Sacred Writings at their deeper and more metaphorical levels we have much to learn from them. As my dear friend, the late Professor Harvey Guthrie used to say of the Hebrew Scripture during my seminary career; “We do not take the Bible literally. We take it seriously!”

So too it seems did Jesus. As the story stood in the Sacred Writings so it stood for him as we read in today’s Gospel. “Jesus said, “Just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.” The vast majority of Hebrew scholars down through the ages understood every word of Scripture as informing the meaning of all the others. In today’s Gospel the Rabbinical mind of Jesus referenced the moment in the wilderness when Moses lifted up the serpent. 

What is going on here in this Gospel? Think about it. Jesus understood that he must suffer. He understood that we must all suffer. When we ask why God allows us to suffer, we ignore something central to the Gospel. The very symbol of our salvation is the Cross. Jesus did not find a way around suffering. Jesus found a way through it!

And note this. The juxtaposition of the lifting up of Jesus with the next sentence in the Gospel is striking. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.”

How compelling is this proclamation for us. Suffering and redemptive love exist entwined in a living dynamic. Jesus did not come into the world to condemn it but that the world might be saved through him. 

Do we love the world like Jesus did? Or have we become so jaded and cynical that we capitulate to the darkness. It is tempting do so so. But we are children of the light. 

Which brings us to today. Unfettered gun violence in the streets; the nation’s schools, concerts, movie theaters and churches! And the hammerlock held on Congress by the NRA! The prospect of a conversation between the likes of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un. If that doesn’t shake your soul I don’t know what will. How can any of us talk about salvation in our current historic context? Rising sea levels, and one hundred year storms every few weeks it seems…I could go on.

But listen; “God so loved the world”. Imagine it! If God so loved the world why wouldn’t we? If the snake in the wilderness is lifted up, and if Jesus is likewise lifted up, perhaps there is hope that we might love the world like God did and does still. In fact God requires it, under the authority of Jesus, you and I shall love the world as much as he did. And we shall we love one another as much as he did.   And as the old spiritual put it; “We shall overcome!”

And how much did Jesus love the world? That brings us back to the cross, doesn’t it? Redemptive love and suffering become a unified dynamic in Jesus. Lift him up dear ones so that all the world might see. He stretched out his loving arms on the hard wood of the cross so that everyone might come within the reach of his saving embrace.

The fulcrum on which the love of God turns on how much we are willing to love the world and one another.

We are all God has left. I am persuaded that all who dwell in the darkness of sin and self will remain there until they see some glimmer of light. Paul tells us in today’s Epistle; “You were dead through the trespasses and sins in which you once lived.” 

But you are the children of Light. You are the repository of the Dream of God. Let your light so shine before others that they may see the good you do and glorify the One who came to save us.

You see, salvation is not a fait accompli, a done deal, as it were.  It is rather a Way. It is the Way of Jesus. It is the Way, the Truth and the Life. You cannot get there, or be there on the Way unless you are filled with the love of God and the love of one another. 

Joshua and I still have our faith and our doubt. They live side by side along the Way. Funny thing though, when the chips are down Joshua calls me for a prayer like the day his best friend was in a very serious automobile accident. We spent the night in prayer keeping the vigil of hope against hope. Thank God I will be officiating at Chris’s wedding later this May. Chris too is now a child of faith. I prayed of course and then I encourage Joshua  and Chris to pray too. Thus we journey on the way, the truth and the life together.

In the Name of One God; the Most Holy, Undivided, and Everlasting Trinity. Amen

Fr Paul