It's Complicated

It’s Complicated

Today’s Gospel takes us to that complicated place where family dynamics occur. It all begins when the younger son took his inheritance to set out on his new life. Aha! Free at last from the constrains of family obligation and tiresome rules. Now he was in charge. Apparently, he sowed a few wild oats and squandered the inheritance. A famine set in and he began to be in want. Ultimately he came to himself and realized that if he returned home and threw himself on the mercy of his father there might be a chance for him to be treated at least as well as one of the servants.

But the father’s abundant love was more than generous. It was extravagant. It was like God’s love for a sinner who returns to God; it was Eucharistic! Bring the best robe, the fatted calf and a celebration fitting for the joys of heaven.

However, the father’s unconditional love was problematic for the older brother, and with some justification. He spoke right up; you’re throwing a party for this ne’er do well son of yours, and you’ve never so much as done anything like it for me and my friends.  

Many of us have been in that position; the position of a sibling who looks resentfully at our own blood brother or sister. There is something deeply out of synch here. If it isn’t resentment, there’s something else that tears at the fabric of the relationship, to the point that the damage done may be irreparable.

How is the father to convince his older son that such generosity of spirit is the way to forgiveness? Some say this parable is about the extravagant love of the father. God knows fathers and mothers often want nothing more than for everybody in the family to get along. When the father realized that the older brother refused to extend that same generosity of spirit, he  came out and began to plead with him; come in and join the festivities.”

But the older brother was angry. He refused.

“The father said, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.’”

Besides, too much anger is not good for us; as the old saying goes; “Anger is the punishment we inflict upon ourselves for someone else’s mistake”.

We are left to wonder; was there reconciliation? Or was the family finally and irrevocably torn apart. Each of us is left to complete the story as we live out our lives in our own family relationships. I’ve seen the story go on in so many ways.

To see the Gospel in its fullness I invite you to see yourself in each of the roles being played out in the parable. A father or a mother who pleads to keep the family together.

Likewise the sinner who comes to his/her senses and asks for forgiveness. The Psalmist says; “Happy are those whose sins are forgiven”. Tragically, there are those who never do come to their senses; making forgiveness problematic.

And there are those, who like the older brother, are faithful and diligent; it is as though they are taken for granted. Whers’s their party? 

The parent, the sinner, or the older brother; which are you? Or have you been all of the above at one time or another? 

It's complicated. When Jesus tells us this parable he confronts us with the predicament we often find ourselves in as we seek to love, forgive and reconcile. 

I’m reading a wonderful book now by Tara Westover called “Educated”. A woman grows up in an abusive family. Her father, mother and brothers leave permanent scars during her formative years. She grew up in a family with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. She had to battle with all her might to extricate herself from the abuse. For those who work with victims of abuse, we know how difficult that work is. The statistics are not encouraging. It is like tearing part of your soul in half to come to terms with your parents and siblings especially when the abuse is so traumatic, persistent and systemic in formative years. 

And yet, if you can come to terms with your family of origin you can take on the world. Especially with your mother, father and siblings; if you can deal with them, you can free yourself from the slavery of repeating the same sins and offenses with those you become responsible for. Being human, you’ll probably think up new ones!

A Christian psychotherapist once shared this vision of mental health; “Our challenge is to love God first, love your neighbor as yourself beginning with your parents, and at the same time discover how to love yourself like God loves you.” That’s a spiritual challenge that takes a lifetime.

For all too many the challenge is to stand up for yourself without allowing yourself to be dragged back into the old family dynamic of mental illness. Easier said than done! 

In today’s parable the father, the younger son and the older brother faced it. All parents, children and siblings face similar challenges. Forgiveness does not come cheaply. We must work at it. And it is very hard work indeed.

All of which brings us back to the ministry of reconciliation. It is a ministry we are given by virtue of our faith. Jesus spent untold hours in conversation with his disciples. In today’s Epistle, Paul points to this ministry; “in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us. So we are ambassadors for Christ; we entreat you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

It's complicated.

How in heaven’s name are we to be reconciled to one another? 

In our families, with friends, at work, and God help us in political and international relationships?

Jesus points us toward unconditional love, and extravagant forgiveness. If there is to be a heaven it will have to begin with us. Jesus said: “The kingdom of heaven is at hand”. “The kingdom of heaven is within you.” “The kingdom of heaven is among you.” 

Sin is easy. For there to be the kingdom of heaven we will have to work at being open to the miracles of love, forgiveness and reconciliation.

It's complicated. 

Like the children of Israel as they wandered aimlessly forty years in the wilderness,. Moses had to come up with 613 laws to get them to the Promised Land. They kept thinking up dumb things to do. Moses was just about fed up with that crowd. But God fed them with the bread of angels; Manna from heaven. When they arrived at Gilgal; an interesting place with yet another mini-Stonehenge like stone circle, the manna ceased.

When Jesus breaks bread with us at God’s Altar, he invites us to recognize that something is broken in each of us. Perhaps something in your family of origin has probably left a scar. Live long enough and you will have a plenty more scars to show for it. Jesus came to heal those very scars. Jesus healed the lame, the blind, and the deaf. And the scars in our souls he healed when he taught us the way to love and forgiveness. Or when he reached out to the poor, the heartbroken, the persecuted, and the marginalized. This kind of unconditional love, this extravagant forgiveness that he so freely shared with everyone, this ministry of reconciliation that he entrusted to us was to change the world.

Frequently, he took bread, blessed and broke it, likewise after supper he took the cup and did the same. He became the Bread of Heaven for us. At this altar rail, he feeds us with the healing touch of eternal life.

Jesus did not escape unscathed from this world; he wore scars into the Resurrection Life. Jesus also took that which is complicated and made it simple. 

“Love one another”. 

“Forgive one another”.

“Be reconciled to one another”.

With the Bread of Heaven he feeds us at this Altar Rail and rejoices as we live our our lives with earthly love, forgiveness, and reconciliation both to humankind and to God. For the more we practice the one, the more we live into the other. 

God’s love is extravagant; for each and every one there is the finest robe, bring on the fatted calf; let the Eucharistic festivities begin; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. Amen.

Fr Paul